Riding The Storm

Lola and Olu met in the United States while undertaking their post graduate studies. After their graduation, they stayed in the U.S. for two years before returning to Nigeria to get married and settle down.

F or the first few months, they were preoccupied with their wedding plans, but afterwards they concentrated on getting jobs and building a home. Though it took sometime, Olu got a job with an insurance company, while Lola took up a teaching position with a private secondary school in Lagos.

Sixteen years later, they represent the picture of a successful couple. They had four lovely children, Olu now holds a top management position in his office, while Lola was a lecturer at the university and they lived in their own house. However, things were not as rosy as they seemed on the surface. Lola was aware that Olu had constantly been unfaithful to her for the last 10 years of their marriage, but she had learnt to look the other way so that they could have peace.

Their first child Ayomide was studying economics in the same university where her mother, Lola, was a lecturer. In her second year in the university, one of Ayomide's closest friends, Monica, began spending her weekends and short vacations with them because her family lived in the north. Monica thus became very close to the family.

Sometimes in the first semester of Ayomide and Monica's final year, Lola noticed that Monica was pregnant. She was shocked and when her questions did not produce any answers from either of the children, Lola got in touch with Monica's parents and it was decided that her mother would come to find out what was going on.

When she arrived and the two of them had a meeting with the girls, the result was a bombshell; Monica said Olu was responsible for her pregnancy! Lola was greatly distressed by this news and when Olu unrepentantly confirmed that he had had an affair with the teenager, Lola felt that her world had come crashing down on her. Matters worsened led when Olu revealed his intentions to take Monica as his second wife.

Five months later, Lola was out of her matrimonial home, while Monica packed in as Olu's wife (since her parents wont let her have a child outside wedlock, they had consented to her marriage to Olu). Lola and her children moved in with one of her siblings, while she looked for an affordable accommodation. For several weeks, Lola moved around in a daze as she tried to come to terms with the end of her marriage.

During this trying time, Lola's father was her greatest support; he wiped her tears when she cried, prayed non-stop for and with her and made her feel loved and appreciated.

Eventually, Lola moved into a rented apartment with her children and they began rebuilding their lives.

When all these happened, Lola was in her early 40s and though she had four children, she looked much younger than her actual age. Within a matter of months, she began receiving attention from men, married ones inclusive, so she sought her father's counsel. She told him that she was not ready for any relationship and wanted to focus on raising her children; her father agreed with her and when she told him that she was disturbed by the fact that many married men had also approached her for love affairs, he made her promise never to date anyone of them; she was never to do to another woman's home, the same thing that Monica had done to her. Lola accepted his advice.

Things went on smoothly for a while until the dean of her faculty, a married man, began to make advances towards her, which she rebuffed. The man was determined but when Lola continued to reject his advances, he vowed to make her "regret her actions",

Over the following years, the dean, with the co-operation of some other senior lecturers in the faculty ensured that she was not promoted and his sexual harassment did not abate either. Many of her students who later became lecturers were promoted over her and various applications made by her for accommodation in the staff quarters never saw the light of day. Still, Lola chose to retain her integrity; she continued to pray for God's favor and vindication while she continued to give her best to her students and the profession she loved so much.

Lola had remained on the same level in the faculty for over 10 years when she applied for and sat for a promotional examination in her faculty. Again, the faculty board failed her but this time around, about two or three other lecturers in the faculty who had been aware of her victimization decided to stand up for her. Petitions were written on Lola's behalf and eventually, external examiners were called in to remark Lola's presentations and to interview her. The examiners gave her excellent results and thus she was justified. She was given four steps promotion, the promotions were backdated and she was paid about three years arrears by the university authorities. A few months later, the Federal Government decided to retire and retrench some lecturers; all the men who stood against Lola over the years were retrenched without hope of receiving any benefits. God had indeed vindicated her.

Lola chose not to remarry and she never compromised her sexual chastity because she wanted to honour God, obey her father and be a role model to her children. Today, she is a retired lecturer and the happy mother of four successful children. She is blessed with five grandchildren and is still counting.

Comments

It is highly unfortunate that adultery is becoming rampant in our day; it is a violation of the marital vow and it destroys trust and even lives of those involved but Lola's story shows how a young lady overcame this challenge and ended up triumphant.

Never in her wildest dreams did Lola imagine that Olu, in spite of his faults, would ever leave her for another woman, much less their daughter's friend. He did not only leave her, but he also cut off all ties with their children, thus saddling her with the Herculean task of raising four children on her paltry salary. Also, Lola had her fair share of temptations and pressures, but she remained a virtuous woman through it all.

It was not easy but it was not impossible either; all it took was her decision to do the right thing 'no matter what'.

Romans 12: 21 says; "do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good". This scripture encourages every one who is faced with the challenge of a cheating mate, not to resort to getting back by doing something wrong. Two wrongs do not make a right, the decision to pay your cheating spouse back in his or her own coin would only worsen an already bad situation. The best thing to do is forgive and seek God's face in restoring your marriage. No matter how bad your situation may be, all God needs in order to work a miracle is just one of the partners' willingness to invite Him into the situation and do what only He, the Balm of Gilead, can do.

Lola could have decided to throw caution to the wind and open her arms to every man that proposed to her when her marriage collapsed since she would have had a legitimate excuse- at least she needed financial help to raise her kids.

Instead, she heeded her father's advice and refused to dance to the tune of the men and proved beyond any reasonable doubt that there is no sufficient reason to tow the path of immorality. The latter result of her life proves that it pays to live a life of purity and chastity. We can choose to do the right thing in spite of our financial, emotional and material needs.

Kudos need be given to Lola's father, for the priceless advice he gave during her period of trial.

Our society would be a much better place if we have more parents nurturing their children along the ways of God. Parents, more than physical food, good clothes, beautiful gifts and trips abroad, your children need you to instill Godly morals and values in them; this is what they need to be successful and stand out in a world where people justify the means by the end.

Perhaps your marriage is under attack and you just do not know what to do, my first advice is for you to seek the only lover whose love is perfect and unconditional; His name is Jesus. Let His love soothe your fears and heal your heart and He will teach you and enable you to woo and win your spouse back. He knows where you hurt and how to provide an answer to your present situation.

::: You may want to share how you overcame challenges with others to be a blessing to others, send in your testimonies to us. or send your email to testimonies@abundantlifenigeria.org